Part 37: Alternate Ending #1 - Do You Want Some Candy, Little Girl?

Alternate Ending #1 - Do You Want Some Candy, Little Girl?

♫

Girl, you'll be a woman soon,
Please, come take my hand
Girl, you'll be a woman soon,
Soon, you'll need a man.

♫



To get the ‘Lucy’ ending, Ray has to be super nice to her throughout the game. First, he has to let her ‘uncle’ Zuben go instead of retiring him.







When Ray returns to his apartment right afterwards, it’s Lucy who calls his number instead of Clovis.





Then later at the arcade when Ray catches up to her, he has to warn her about Crystal (instead of trying to VK her and looking like a chump).









It’s at this point that Lucy falls hopelessly in love with Ray.

Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck either.





Ray goes through Act 3 as normal, and he can do whatever. In fact, it’s probably better he retires Dektora, just in case she falls hopeless in love with Ray too. Sigh.



While he’s wandering down in the sewers, Ray will probably run into Lucy down here, and things go from bad to worse.



If you remember, if Ray tried to VK her at the arcade, and she just runs off and is never to be seen again. And now she actually wants to be VKed.



You know what’s more disturbing? This whole fucking update.





It’s bad enough she looks and sounds like a gussied up prepubescent girl, but she totally acts like one too. I kept expecting her to start crying and stamping her feet at any moment.



Sorry Ray, everyone knows about your dog because you can’t keep your stupid mouth shut.





Oh dear mother of god. I hope she’s talking about her doll and not anything else.



Yeah, maybe Ray can add giving alcohol to a minor to the list of offenses.



About 75% of the time, she’s human, not a Rep. I guess it’s like the opposite of Rachael in the film – making her think she’s a Rep when she’s actually human.



Sorry, but she is sooo still a little girl .





I don’t know how much more I can take of this.





Everything else happens as normal. After Ray offs Guzza in the sewers, he comes back to his apartment to find his dog murdered by Crystal. But instead of Clovis calling to invite Ray to the moonbus, it’s Lucy again.



So far, so good…



Almost out of the woods…



Oh my fucking lord.













Sigh.

Instead of heading over to the moonbus like he’s suppose to, Ray lets his dick lead him around by the nose and across town, towards Crazy Legs Larry’s used car dealership. It’s accessible from the sewers through the old collapsed tunnels.



Hello little girl. Do you wanna to go for a ride in my van?



It’s around this point you have to seriously start questioning what the writers were thinking by putting this ending in.





Enough already about the stupid trees… and the lakes… and the flowers...





Somebody should be arresting Ray instead. And I’m not talking about the whole Replicant thing.







Hold me, Ray.

Don’t ever let me go, Ray.











Crystal finally shows up to put these two down.

Gooooo Crystal!

















Crystal’s first shot took out the tacky Dodge Viper hovercar, so they’ll have to escape through another way.

But the police have sealed off the exits…



Why wait two minutes? Please somebody, come in and shoot them. Please.



I didn’t think it could get any worse, but she’s proved me wrong.

Let’s blow ourselves up in a blaze of glory, fueled by the power of our everlasting love!





















Elsewhere…







Gaff’s successfully finished off Clovis, because Ray was too busy trying to schtup the little girl from Lazytown to do his job properly.











Wait, what is she looking at?

No, nevermind. I don’t want to know. Please god, let this end.







Do you hear that noise?

That’s me. Quietly sobbing in the corner.